Seven weeks into an eight week class I feel a lot of things, but I think it’s best summed up with a description of a graph.
The Confidence versus Knowledge graph, they say, is like a curve with a deep dip in the middle.
At the start, when knowledge is (greater than zero but still) low, confidence is high. You know enough to do something that’s okay and you occasionally stumble into something better than okay, and you feel like you know a lot more than when you started, and even a little bit of knowledge is a lot more than zero knowledge.
Confidence is equally high at the other end of the knowledge plot. When you know a lot, you know that you know a lot, and while you may be modest about it ultimately you have the confidence that comes from knowing what you know and being good at what you’re no long just trying to do, but actually doing.
In the middle, tho, where knowledge is growing and getting more robust and deeper and broader and better, your confidence dips. You start to realize that as much as you know there is still so much more to learn and practice and improve upon. You do good work but you realize where the gaps are and the work that it will take to overcome and fill those gaps.
Taking a class has moved me firmly into the middle of that graph. I know I am improving. I know that I’ve learned a lot. But my confidence has taken a nosedive into the valley of knowing that I have a lot to learn yet.
(In other words, if you are wondering why I haven’t written much lately, maybe it has something to do with confidence…?)